Any Knight Won't Do

Chapter One

Once upon a time there lived a handsome youth in the lonely village of Sou’Sea. He lived with his family in a small cottage and as is the way in such tales, they were poor but happy. The young man longed to travel, to achieve greatness, and, especially, to become a knight of the Order of Joseph. He studied the techniques of all the great knights in the kingdom, such as Sir Michael of Ball and Lord Joshua of Groban, but it seemed impossible that a poor and humble youth could achieve the kind of honour he craved.
One day, as the youth wandered through the lonely Garden of Covent, a small man appeared with a sudden *poof*. He was wearing a pink tutu and a lime green jacket which, though jarring to the eyes was not alarming to the youth, for in the Garden of Covent such strange sights were not uncommon. The garishly-attired man glanced at his clothing and tittered. “Sorry, I forgot to change!” he said and, with a flick of his wand, transformed his outfit to a lime green suit and a cerise silk shirt. “Sorry about that,” he said. “I hate to be flashy!”
“Who are you?” the youth asked.
“My name is Gray’mm, I am your fairy godfather,” said the other. “Your cries have been heard and I am here to help you achieve the deepest wish of your heart.”
“To become a knight of the Order of Joseph?”
“That, but much more besides. You have been set a series of challenges, which you must overcome. If you are successful, the knighthood of Joseph will be yours, and you will be crowned King of the royal Kingdom of Adelphi!”
“Wow,” said Our Hero. “That’s amazing!”
“Naw,” said Gray’mm. “It’s a fairy tale.” (At this point, he turned knowingly, as if he was looking at a camera. It was very puzzling to the youth.)
“What sort of challenges?” the youth asked. “Must I slay dragons, rescue maidens…?”
“You’ve been reading too much fiction,” Gray’mm said. “There are very few dragons around any more. Most of them work as critics in disreputable newspapers, but they’re toothless. And maidens are more likely, these days, to do the rescuing. You’ll be told the challenges as they come up. And don’t worry, you’ll have help.”
“What sort of help?”
“Four trusted muses will be assigned to you. They will act as guides to see you have the skills you need to overcome any obstacles you may face.
“Four?” said the youth. “But I thought there were supposed to be nine?”
“Yes, but this is a cut-rate story. We can’t afford any more than four. Anyway, I will be here, of course, and then there’s Dot.”
“Dot?”
“Well, it’s the Wise Wizard Webber, in full, or WWW. We call him Dot for short. Come now, Sir Lee, (for so I dub thee). Are you up to the challenge?”
Sir Lee bowed his head humbly and said, “I am.”